Thursday, July 24, 2008

Quitter = Loser?

Terbaru, aku dikejuti dgn mcm-mcm kejutan [aku klassify kn sbg kejutan sbb mcm durian runtuh pon ade :b]. Kejutan-kejutan yang kdg kala adalah rezeki, kdgkala cume menambah beban di hati. Kejutan ade jugak yg membawa kekusutan, kerunsingan dan kesedihan. Aku rase kejutan-kejutan yang mengejutkan aku beberapa hari ni melengkapi kesemua rase lalu aku cume rase terbeban.

I really wish a day break. No study, no class, no meetings, no analyzing budget, no writing proposals nor even think about all that. Tp seems like impossible jer.

Tulisan kali ni hanye lah semate-mate aku meluahkan segala kekusutan sbb aku betul-betul kusut.

Subjects taken banyak ler semni...
aku mmg bleh kate tak penah [mmg tak penah pon] amik credit hour > 15.5.. but sem ni aku gamble amik 1 core subjek lebih sbb fikir2kan mase depan yang belum sampai tu.. then aku amik 18. bunyik mcm manje kalo aku kate xleh skor sbb subjek byk. the thing is, aku nk SKOR.
Dah le tu, pointer aku betul2 cukup2 makan je. [nk makan pon x cukup la sbb not enough to get sponsors...] Sem ni la sem pembuktian diri, yang mane aku sasarkan sasaran aku at least cgpa aku naik .1 dr skang. Utk itu, cgpa aku mestilah stendet2 1st class nye achiever. Betape tinggi nye sasaran aku utk menjadi reality.

Untuk menembak sasaran itu, aku menyusun beberape strategy. Strategi perang itu rahsia tp bia la aku ckp salah dua dr nye[2-2 ni x salah anyway]:
1) NO clubbing
2) Amek subjek sikit sudey

POint yg kedua ni mmg aku still tgh fikir utk proceed ke tak. Sbb ianya effect strategi2 perang pade mase dpn. Itu long-term effect. So aku kne realistic sket la..

And 1st point. Ni yg aku tak bleh blah.

Aku betul-betul nk slow down clubbing. Rasenye sem lps da cukup la kot dgn baktisiswa lg, dgn fasi kt rawang lg.. bla bla bla. Tapi ternyata Tuhan ade plan lain utk aku.
Sejurus slps kembali ke Semenanjung, belum seminggu pon aku tibe2 jadik Asst Program Manager Program ICT[sbb aku gatal kot]. Tapi yang ni aku tak bape kesah since will be busy dlm 2 weeks jer. Then break free.

Wawasan pon panggil tp aku ade kls so aku tak pegi.
Caring club gak tbe2 panggil tp jugak, aku tak pegi.

Then, Futsal ni. Aku ingt program kecik jer. Skali aku kne jd Financial Controller bagi program yg..... no komen. [kalo cite jd 4gig article ni]. Yg pastinye ia ibarat makan nasi lauk ikan jerung masin.. nasik pulak dah nak basi. camtula.. Yg ni yg paling aku tak bleh blah. Faktor utama kekusutan aku.

Then, kejutan yg paling tak disangke2. Bleh jadi MRC. HAHAHA. Aku penah kene saman kot.. Ni aku anggap rezeki. Tp agak mengusutkan sbb aku jd... [jwtn x pyh letak la mcm x ikhlas lak nt]
bla bla bla.

Aku da analyze, 2 month in advance aku mungkin takkan free, payah nak balik rumah. Next analyze aku, kalo kuiz aku x skor, aku consider quit dan drop. Until habis convest, yakni bulan puasa start. Jgn sampai aku tak sempat puasa sudahler.. hihi.
bla bla bla.

Aku serius takut ade cop quitters. maybe jln terbaik. mlm ni mlm jumaat. aku nk istikharah. Mintak Allah make it up for me. KAlo dgn pertolongan Allah, bende brat camane pon leh jadik ringan... suppose aku bersyukur[maybe]... tgk esok camane. maybe view aku pasal sume ni changed 100%. mane tau...

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

diet

huhu. 1st time tulis kt lab. sgt boring. [padehal luse ade 2 quiz]..
recently, aku cube kembali ngn care hidup normal. eat n sleep less. air banyak. tryin to diet but makin aku cube, makin selera lak makan. ape jadah... haha. actually i'm quite frustrated bile org tegur. even brat bdn aku x de la naik sgt tp aku still nk control mkn aku balik. waa sedih sgt... :'(
early in the morning pg td, after solat subuh, aku tros siap2 n b4 7am aku da kua bilik pegi joging. hahaha. pas balik joging, heavy breakfast lak. then kelas 830 till 1130. skang, 1230pm.. aku dah lapa... waaa.... cane nk diet ni.. :'(
maybe i should start to browse n recalculate protein, karbo n everythin back mcm dulu2. then, mkn supplement,.. or maybe i should try some herbs? hahahah. gile.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Busy... body


it has been a while aku tak post ape2 kat blog ni. to tell the truth, approx 10 times aku try to write something.. but nothing posted. hasilnye, banyak post yg autosave as draft jer dlm acc aku nih. hurm...

Lately, I just cant express myself. aku taktau ape yg ade dlm benak fikiran aku. sejauh mane aku cube fikir pon, aku takleh translate sume tu into words. i guess maybe aku leh elasily write something bile aku kusut, sakit hati, sedih, serabot.. bile aku nk kua kan sume thought aku pasal bende2 yang x best. aku cube evaluate diri aku. maybe betul, post aku dlm ni sume mood 'hujan', bla bla bla yang tak best aje. yg 'happy' very little. maybe kalo happy pon, just get extremely happy till aku rase sayings tak cukup utk aku express kehepian aku.. aku dah merepek~

so. so. so.

so many things happen. thought of keeping it all to myself.

ok. there is one thing; i'm giving it up. Balik dr Sarawak, aku tibe2 jadik Asst. Program Manager tuk program kulliyah yg tinggal 3 weeks to go. Instead of busy adding and dropping subjek [not that bz since aku x add n drop papepon.. still, aku tgh fikir what subjek to be drop sementare drop only masih on ni.], aku jugak bz mending broken life [haha, tbe2 masuk lagu]

but the point is, aku busy skang. dgn meeting tak habis2. dgn entah pape lg tah aku pon x tau. with all that, ade tak sape2 paham yang aku betul2 bz skang? deeply understand kalo aku x reply mesej or aku x angkat call... n aku tdo awal. who's on the earth really understand? i believe its none. or should i put a poll survey in the facebook or friendster? haha. [everything i said; all ended up a merepeks thing]

In 3 weeks time, aku x reply msj and answer call. then IF. IF aku mesej saying something like, "Sory, i've been busy". Aku tak pecaye org tu akn simply say something like, "never mind, i understand" pastu takde react kecik2 aty dgn aku.

O world, believe me. I'm busy.

Maybe i should add another point, those busy things make my credit flow mcm air. aku kne mesej EVERY committees which are about 30-60 people to confirm meeting, bla bla bla. AND the most important point maybe; I'm not in the mood of replying messages and answering calls. HAHA. puas hati?

Amek ko skali tules taknak panjang pulak. okesh la. cukup merepek~